The Transformation Of Simon2 – Part Two: My Journey: My Childhood Chapter 2

[Simon2]

Good afternoon my friend, thank you for coming over; Coffee, Tea and sweets to help soften a hard open and frank Chapter in my life.

I think of the past as a learning experience, based largely on the information we have now and what we will find in the future. Since we last caught up, more information, together with a much clearer idea of the information I have previously told you, so please once again forgive me if details change.

We left my story at roughly age 6, but I need to go back a few years to be sure that you understand who I was at certain moments in time, because these are what led me to 2019 and who I am now.

My entertainment and indeed knowledge was largely acquired from the radio, which had pride of place in the lounge room. It was much taller than me and provided news, politics, sport, religion (small degree) and shows like Biggles, Superman, Tarzan, etc., which I really enjoyed, particularly Superman a figure I love so much today.

I also started school, which was to bring out traits in me that still last today; A thirst for knowledge across so many fields. Thank goodness for the internet. LOL

In Grade 1 a little girl, who didn't think like the rest of the children joined the class and for some reason she sat next to me and I became her teacher and protector, throughout the year. We painted together and I tried to help her in counting, writing; I wasn't really the best qualified, just the only one who helped her.
One time, I even became her "champion", when she needed to go to the toilet, once again, having been already a number of times.

The teacher said no, a few times and she began to cry a lot. I yelled at the teacher to let her go because I seemed to "know" that she needed urgently to go; the teacher refused again and a short while later the poor girl urinated (not the word I used back then) and wet her dress, the seat, where she sat and in turn the floor; what a mess!!

I yelled at the teacher some words, saying it was all her fault and not the girls and I was going to tell on her to the girls mother.

What were the other children doing at this time, well some children can be cruel, think it's funny and others in a state of shock and also crying; in short, what you would expect for grade 1 students.

I also started to sometimes stand alone on our back porch (where we left off when we last met), squint my eyes and look around me, never up or down, just straight out turning my head left or right.

I was looking for answers to questions I didn't have, just a longing to know more about me.

I also started Sunday School, which was held in a hall at the end of our street, more about this later.

Something that came with the nightmares I was having was a longing to understand what dying meant, was it final or was there something after this life.

Why would I start a "discussion with myself" (again, this is something I do today on topics that I cannot share with others or it is outside of their comfort-zone)  about death, at such a tender age; some nights I would quietly cry myself to sleep.

Sometimes we start "wearing a mask" to fit each occasion so we don't appear different.

At this point of my life, the "Mould" of who I would become has been made and all that needs to happen, is the "Mould" fills with the necessary materials, so that I can at last look at something that perhaps will tell me who I really am.

Over the next 6 years, I grow ever more different than my Mum & Dad and brothers (2) & sisters (2) and cements my "crown" as the "Middle Child", LOL.

The differences are in all areas of life, with some differences not yet obvious at this age.


The areas of note (where there is unity between my parents and siblings) are Football (I barrack, even today, for Collingwood the rest of the family barracked for St Kilda), Politics (me Liberal, they Labour).

The last, broke my mother's heart (the first of a few events in my life, LOL), when I came home one Sunday from Religious Studies and told her that I didn't believe in what I was being taught and had "quit". We would never discuss this topic again.

My father was a bricklayer/builder and he had hoped that one of the boys would follow him in this field. Whilst he took me to his various work sites and I really enjoyed being with him, I never built his hopes up about joining in the "family business".

During the years from ages 6 to 12, Mum bought a television for the family (something we could not afford at the time) and so started my "learning" (LOL) in all things, related to Science Fiction (including a wonderful show based on the Comic(s) about Superman), Cowboys (certainly), Comedy (The Three Stooges; Yeah), the fledgeling start in the world of the Supernatural, etc. I also started building up a great Comic Collection, something my older brother or sister had no interest in and my younger brother and sister, were far to young.

I am only mentioning the following incident in case it proves important going forward. I don't know exactly how old I was, but between the ages of 8 to 10 my Mother took me to the Childrens Dental Hospital to have them look at a potential issue the family doctor mentioned about "Crowding" of my teeth, which may need rectified now so that my other (second) teeth could grow normally.

I still remember the English accent the Nurse had along with the taste and smell of the mask they used to administer Gas to put me asleep in order for the Dentist to do what he had to do.

Mum said the procedure went well, but it took them 3 hours to wake me up from the Gas.

The instructions were for me not to have any solids or hot/cold drinks, to avoid the possibility of bleeding of the impacted gums.

You guessed it, that night I woke up feeling terrible, with blood all down my pyjamas, went to my Mum's side of the bed, where she took me, cleaned me up, put a clean pair of pyjamas and let me spend the remainder of the night sleeping between her and Dad; this was a place I also sought during the early days of the consistent nightmare, but was the exception after about age 8, when my brother was born and two years later my sister arrived; the house became very crowded then!!

The other big event in my life came when a friend and I went to the park to play (not unusual, as all the kids went there to play football, on the play equipment, etc.).

We had climbed a wooden fence, which separated the park from our State School and for some, the future High School next door and was just doing what boys do and for some odd reason, I just looked up at the sky and saw a silver cigar shaped object, just stopped in the sky in a horizontal position. I yelled at my friend to lookk up as well.

[violet]

I’m forming a picture of an empathetic, deep thinking, independent-minded (non-conformist) child. An old soul who felt responsibility towards others, wise enough to manage his father’s hopes, tough enough to disappoint his mother.

If I were this child’s teacher, I’d consider he might have gifted special needs. For example, a high IQ makes it likely a child will, despite their youth, grapple with the major ideas about existence such as war, death, afterlife. Gifted brains work differently from non-gifted brains, even extremely capable non-gifted brains. They’re not better or worse, just different. Giftedness can have a child feel different for the good reason that their interface with the world is different. But unless this is explained, how is the child supposed to know? The world seems designed for everyone else. They can feel isolated, like the world doesn’t fit them, or worse, like they don’t fit the world.

It doesn’t help when key adults, often threatened by intelligence, deliberately overlook a child’s vulnerability and instead of giving the support all children need, step back saying, ‘Well if they’re so smart, they can figure it out.’

The thread of loneliness continues from the previous chapter. It’s palpable throughout the writing. If the little boy could’ve had a wish granted, what would it have been?

[Simon2]

Oh Violet, you are so spot on; this only became apparent to me when I went for a senior role and had to take a bank of tests.

My one wish Violet, which is still the same today as it was all those years ago; to have a like-minded person physically close to just talk to and discuss my thoughts and feelings, but alas I am still lonely.

Having said that, I am so glad I "found" this Forum along with people like yourself who I can talk to, otherwise I would still be very much alone.

You are such a wonderful spirit Violet and a great human being, thank you so much.

 

[Christine]

How old where you when you told your mother you didn't believe in what was being taught in religious studies? Was your family generally religious?
I get exactly what you mean about wearing a mask so as not to appear different. I have had to do that too. I think it is also a thing abused children do.

[Simon2]

Christine, I think I was about 9 or 10 years old, when I told my Mum.

My family were not "hardliners" when it came to religion but Mum was just disappointed that I seemed to be growing up far too quickly than my older siblings did (wow, I just remembered what it was all about).

Although Mum and Dad had 2 younger children at this time, Mum still saw me as her "Scottish baby", a term she often used when talking to friends about me. I also just remembered this as well.

Thank you Christine, your question, just opened more wonderful memories for me and I am tearing up, again!!

LOL