The Transformation Of Simon2 – Part Two: My Journey: My Childhood Chapter 1

[Simon2]

Looking at Part One in relation to Transformation, most of the facts are there but it lacked the true Gravitas of what it was like personally, both experientially and emotionally.

In order to achieve this, I am going to imagine, that you are a very good friend of mine, sitting in front of me and I am talking to you over tea and biscuits.

To really understand these event I must take you back to when my journey began, at about age. By this age I was starting to realise that I was different than all my family, which comprised of my Mum and dad, plus two older siblings. To add to the mix we were, like most people in the street, immigrants from Europe who have been in Australia only a couple of years.

At first, I chose to ask my older siblings about who I am as I felt different from them. At first, they looked at each other, then a smile came over them. I heard them talking to each other in a very low voice, which I failed to hear.

As they turned to me and my older sister said that I was adopted into the family; I got a shock and ran into my mother crying (kids are the same in most families; LOL). My mother quickly raised me up and just cuddled me until I had stopped crying and said, with a most beautiful smile and loving face that this was a trick by both my older sister and brother to just upset me.

This was very good news, but did not answer my question at all.

At abought the same time I was also starting to have a very real and scary dream. In this dream, I was in what I thought a hut, which was burning and heat was very real. There was also a very scary man holding a torch and laughing madly at me. This dream continued over two very long years.

We/I, had a lot of friends in our street, plus a few in other surrounding streets. It was never quiet with children congregating at different houses and in the streets.

We all got into really mad things, like building go carts and careering down a very street, which had, at the end, a bit of grass and a little stream. For brakes we used the heal of our shoes, some came safely to rest in either the grass or stream but most, gleefully, crashed and as a result got bloody scraps and bruises, but we never tired of each others company.

Although we had a lot of Farms around us, we were quite close to the city. It was in these Farms where we used to steal carrots and Blackberries, then usually getting chased out by the Farm owner. We all ran as fast as our little legs, sometimes being caught but mostly to freedom and eating the carrots.

We were all equals, playing madly, getting hurt often but some of the most wonderful life. I'm crying now, sorry, I know what's coming up. LOL.

Life was great for a child, no distractions, except one, I felt so, so alone, because I could tell they were not like me; I was really alone.

How, I badly needed some answers. Crying again, but so "raw" and my emotions are spiking, really upsetting me now, as I can see these events being played out and I know what's coming next, but you, my friend, are here with me, so comforting; thank you my dear friend.

During my childhood, when I was alone, usually out in the backyard, I would stand on the porch and ... !!

Sorry, I need to  take break my dear friend, perhaps afternoon today or morning tea tomorrow?


 

[violet]

What age were you in this instalment, Simon? Seems to be missing from the first sentence in the third para.

I’m moved by the loneliness of the child you illustrate. We feel intensely as children; it must have been a burden for that small person amid an otherwise connected community.

Maybe it would have been a comfort to know, many children feel alone for all sorts of reasons. If I were sitting with you enjoying tea and biscuits and trust between us, I would confide that I was once a child with the responsibilities of an adult, which I couldn’t meet. I wish I could visit your child self in the past and say to him, many of us feel alone, which means none of us are really alone after all. Take heart, little one.

[Christine]

I know that loneliness. As a child, I was so lonely. I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and no-one cared or understood. Although my loneliness came from being an adult at the age of 5, wearing the burden of being a responsible parent to my little brother, having to run a household, and put up with an alcoholic father and mentally ill mother. But the loneliness......I didn't know of anyone else who had to do what I did. Or who was like me.

[Simon2]

Violet, thank you for asking about my age, which, after reading this Post I strangely left off, and yet, remember seeing it in my somewhat turbulent mind. I was about 5 years old and must apologise as I am trying to only talk about events that "shaped me" as I was growing up.

Violet and Christine, it must have been so very hard for you both and at such tender ages, I just cannot visualise how you both coped, seemingly so well. I am so proud of you both.

I am trying to complete "My Journey" quickly and may miss or get wrong, the details of a particular timeframe and/or leave out a particularly important event, that has only become clear as I move forward.

For me, the last 5 Months have been like climbing the final steps of ascending Mount Everest after a very long and sometimes arduous journey, not to mention a couple of missteps along the way.

My mind continues to find different but important events in my life, which although long forgotten, are able to be extracted, analysed and most importantly "re-lived" within me, sometimes taking me back to when they occurred.

Re-living these events, for me, comes with all the emotions, which can include the pain suffered at the time. LOL

Apologies, I have written more than I wanted too, but was necessary.