Author Topic: Auschwitz  (Read 19322 times)

Offline Christine

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Auschwitz
« on: December 03, 2013, 12:07:52 AM »
About half an hour out of Auschwitz I could feel the grim despair and pain. I tried to analyse it to see if it was just my expectation of feeling these emotions or if it was genuine feeling, genuinely detecting these feelings. I am sad to say I had a few comparisons so I had a benchmark.

About 10 km out of Buchenwald I felt the same foreboding and this was days before Auschwitz and not realising we were driving past it. In fact the tour guide didn't tell us we were driving past it until we were on top of it. There was little to no signage to give it away.

This same feeling returned when we drove past Birkenau on the way to Auschwitz Camp 1.

There are two well-known facilities here. Auschwitz-I is the original or 'main' Auschwitz camp. Auschwitz-II or Birkenau was the main killing centre in the area, and is many times larger than Auschwitz. This is not to say people were not murdered at Auschwitz 1, they were.

The approach started about half an hour away. I saw the trains on the railway track headed in the direction of the town. I saw people walking, marching, dragging their bodies, headed in the direction of the town.

At this point we were in the bus, so the visions were fleeting, we were travelling at speed.

We got off the bus in the car park and at that point things changed. They were not fleeting any more. They were right there. Right on top of us. All around us. We were breathing it in and people were generally unaware of the fact we were. It occurred to me that with each breath, those who died became part of my flesh. I breathed in their essence, their flesh and they became part of mine.

After coming to that conclusion I began to smell it. Them. Smell the burning.

We were ushered towards the visitor centre to join a tour group for our tour company.

Approaching the building I was told, clearly, "LOOK DOWN, Don't look up, don't look them in the eye. Don't stand out. Look down, shuffle. Take small steps."

So I did. I looked down, I didn't raise my head, I didn't look "them" in the eye, the Guards, I shuffled, I took the same small steps they did. For they couldn't only take small steps in their little wooden shoes, they could only shuffle. The shuffle of the dead, walking to their deaths.

I realised, they thought I was one of them.









tbc

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Offline GaryTheDemon

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2013, 12:16:41 AM »
Sorry, I can't read this.  I am getting waves of despair.  I am glad you have started putting it down on paper (well, you know what I mean) and hope to come back to it later.  For some reason, Christmas and this have some link for me.  I don't exactly know why.

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Offline Christine

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2013, 12:23:48 AM »
I think I can only write it bit by bit too.

Maybe a past life thing for you Gary?
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Offline Roma

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2013, 07:07:06 AM »
I found that was enough information in the one hit for me, so yes I can see why you'd want to do it in small amounts.  :-\

Offline Colleen

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2013, 09:10:28 AM »
This is so tragic Christine.  It must take strength of a great magnitude to write this much.  When you are ready, we will be ready to hear more.
Stop the torture. Stop Yulin. Become the voice of animals who cannot talk.

Offline violet

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2013, 08:38:04 PM »
Oh Christine. I second Colleen's thought about the strength it must take to bear in-person witness to what they went through.

Much as it hurts I think it's our duty to remember them and be with them, when we can. Thanks for giving us the opportunity to do that.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
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Offline Christine

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2013, 11:29:22 PM »
Gosh, there is no strength on my part, they had the strength. I only need to be able to convey it and that is difficult. I feel like it happened to me, but it didn't. Although it could be past life.  I must not mix the two or I cannot convey the history of it all. I cannot do it justice if I mix the two.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
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Offline GaryTheDemon

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2013, 12:43:16 AM »
Quote
feel like it happened to me, but it didn't.

That's how I feel.  I don't *think* it is my past life (though I might be wrong) because I only really got a connection when I deliberately tried to connect.  I'd seen stuff about it before and read a (very) few books and it really just struck me as typical of man's inhumanity to anyone and anything that wasn't himself.  But when I deliberately tried to link to the events - because I felt that there was a story to be written, truths to be brought out - well, from that point I seem to have created some sort of empathic link.  I'm no medium (not even an average LOL) but am prone to be very empathic. 

I think, in a real sense, much of the hurt goes on.  I feel that there is a time space there which has not moved on.  Perhaps it is because of the staining, the recording - or maybe it's almost a 'dent' in man's racial memory... I don't know. 

One day I will go there.  For better or for worse, one day.  I think when I offered to 'be a voice', I committed to that.  Bit off more than I could chew maybe ...

There are worse places, believe it or not.  Worse tragedies.  Worse cruelty.  And if I let myself connect to those ...  I wouldn't last ten minutes.  Which does not reduce the magnitude of the holocaust horror.  Nothing reduces it.

If you cannot love, then at least don't hate.
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Offline lotsakids

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2013, 07:11:48 AM »
Thank you for sharing..I am glad you are, these people have a story to tell, and as horrible, sad and terrifying as it is, it is theirs and they deserve to have a voice and be remembered...

One day my light went out, but was blown again into flame by an encounter with some wonderful people I call friends. I owe the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light...
[inspired by Albert Schweitzer]

Offline GaryTheDemon

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #9 on: December 04, 2013, 07:47:37 PM »
I have had an exhilarating (and exhausting) day bringing Christmas cheer to a bunch of residents from a local aged care.  So riding high.  So now I have the fortitude to read the post.

Yes.    What you have written hits the nail on the head with me.   Even now, I'm having trouble letting go of that time (despite today's euphoria).  And I haven't even been there.  Just opened up to it. To them. 

Most people I know would think I was just being silly.  Or over imaginative.  Maybe I am. 


If you cannot love, then at least don't hate.
If you cannot help, then at least don't hurt.



Offline Christine

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #10 on: December 04, 2013, 09:30:03 PM »
I think there  is something in what you are experiencing.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
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Offline GaryTheDemon

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2013, 10:06:19 PM »
I'm certain of it.  I am the first to admit to a good imagination but I've sure that this is more than that.

I envy you your trip and your experiences.  Even if I'm not ready for it yet myself (ignoring $ limitations LOL)

If you cannot love, then at least don't hate.
If you cannot help, then at least don't hurt.



Offline Christine

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #12 on: December 05, 2013, 12:13:28 AM »
I am ahead of myself. I need to take you a step back. To the beginning of the day.


We drove towards Jasna Gora, a Polish town known to be a place of Pilgrimage for Catholics similar to Mecca. They travel here at least once in their lives if they live in Europe. The travel the last section on their hands and knees. Our tour was to visit this Black Madonna. You can read about her here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Madonna_of_Cz%C4%99stochowa

The day we were to visit was a day for school children from throughout Poland to visit. 28,000 in total. The tour took place in the church while the mass was on. Typical Catholics, anything for a buck. When we arrived at the site Maryke and I decided we weren't doing it and said so to our Tour Director. There were many reasons for this. I personally have such an issue with Catholic systemic and ritual abuse of children, to see all these kids there doing the whole Catholic thing, turned my stomach. Plus I had serious reservations visiting a Catholic place on a day we were going to Auschwitz. They covered up much of the holocaust, the financially benefited from it. I am not a hypocrite.

So we found a nice Polish bar where no-one spoke english and had some lunch. The rest of the group attended the tour during mass, even the muslim people in the group They (the Saudi couple) arrived back 30 mins late so this meant we weren't going to be able to touch our feet at Birkenau, but we didn't know that at the time.

Here is a photo of the kids being mislead at Jasna Gora.



Here is one of the fete on the day of the pilgrimage. Please notice the toy guns being sold in the grounds of this church.



After listening to the people who did the tour we were glad we didn't go. They said they felt wrong being ushered around while mass was being said.

I was just questioning the whole visit being on the same day as Auschwitz.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2013, 12:15:08 AM by Christine »
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
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Offline Colleen

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #13 on: December 05, 2013, 08:50:57 AM »
Those toy guns look fearsome.  I don't like them at all. 
Stop the torture. Stop Yulin. Become the voice of animals who cannot talk.

Offline Christine

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Re: Auschwitz
« Reply #14 on: December 05, 2013, 03:37:17 PM »
I believe it is completely inappropriate to sell them on church grounds.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
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